Common Sense
by EnterWittyNameHere
Summary: What the characters of Harry Potter should've really done in a number of situations highlighting their stupidty. Silly little oneshot, that thought it could become more and therefore did. Rating just for safety. In this section due to heavily used charac.
1. The Dark Lord

**_What the Dark Lord should have actually done in the Final Battle, had he had any common logic or brain power, because in reality, this just makes more sense……_**

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"Accio glasses!" yelled the Dark Lord Voldemort.

"…shit," muttered the now nearly blind Harry Potter, wandering precariously close to the Giant Squid.

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A/N: Hurhurr! Er…in other words, don't question my sanity.


	2. Harry Potter

_**What Harry Potter should have actually done in the Final Battle, had he had any common logic or brain power, because in reality, this just makes more sense……**_

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"Milord?" Bellatrix Lestrange said. "You've received a letter in the post…a…a _ticking_ letter."

_tick...tick...ticktick..._

"Hmm," The Dark Lord Voldemort surveyed the envelope. "Must be one of those confounded musical cards—"

_**BOOM.**_

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A/N: I've had a nice reaction to the original one, and a few readers have commented on making this a series so: TADA! There will be more to come, since I have a headcold and can't seem to fall asleep, therefore giving me time to write. Enjoy!


	3. James Potter

_**What James Potter should have actually done in his own fifth year, had he had any common logic or brain power, because in reality, this just makes more sense……**_

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"What do you want now, Potter?" sneered the slytherin Severus Snape, giant greasy bat and example of alliteration.

James Potter simply grinned, and lit a match.

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A/N: Yes, I know it's short. That's the point. I have a plan to begin updating every day until I run out of ideas. At the moment, I have at least sixteen already typed out, all of varying length; so no worries there. Thanks so much for all the reviews! Glad to know you all like them so far. XD

**A/N2: For those of you who don't get it, let's just say that greasy ol' Snape's a serious fire hazard.**


	4. Lily Potter

_**What Lily Potter should have actually done on Halloween, 1981, had she had any common logic or brain power, because in reality, this just makes more sense……**_

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"Stand aside….stand aside, you silly girl…" The Dark Lord Voldemort commanded.

Lily Potter quickly grabbed a sparkling Sickle from her robe pocket, waved her hands about wildly, and then proceeded to pull said coin out from behind the evil despot's ear.

"Oooh, look what I've got for you!" Lily crooned. "Shiny!"

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A/N: Did as a friend suggested I do, and I followed James up with his beloved wife (Awww!). This little idea came to me after re-reading a bit of HBP…young Tom Riddle struck me as a magpie (or, hell, even a squirrel) like person, always collecting nice, expensive, most likely shiny, trinkets. So I figured the older Dark Lord version would be no different.

Thanks for your continued support! Didn't think I'd ever get this many reviews for something so stupid, hahah!


	5. Ron Weasley

_**What Ronald Weasley should have actually done on the Hogwarts Express, had he had any common logic or brain power, because in reality, this just makes more sense……**_

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"Mind if I sit here?" A messy black haired, bespectled eleven year old boy asked.

"Yes. Shove off," muttered an equally eleven year old Ron, going back to his Chocolate Frog cards.

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A/N: Wow, seriously, thanks for all the reviews so far. I never thought this would do so well...and it's slightly comforting to know that I am not the only freak out there with a weird sense of humour. Again, I know this one is short, but I have written ones that are longer. So have faith. I will update again this weekend, maybe even twice to make up for the missed one on friday. I have no excuses. Be merciful.

Oh, and for those of you who may be wondering, I have gone back and added on to the chapters, which I may think you might have trouble understanding the context of the joke, and added a second author's note. I will be adding these on to the ends of the more vague jokes in the future.


	6. Hermione Granger

_**What Hermione Granger should have actually done in the Room of Requirement, had she had any common logic or brain power, because in reality, this just makes more sense……**_

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"I mean we should tell them to get out. We don't want any more Dobby's, do we? We can't order them to die for us—" said Ronald Weasley.

There was a clatter as the Basilisk fangs cascaded out of Hermione's arms. Running at Ron, she pulled her arms back and…

_WHAM_.

"Now you catch on!" The girl shrieked over a confused and profusely bleeding Weasley.

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A/N: I'll admit up front now, that this is probably my least favorite of the many I have typed up. I dunno why really, I guess I just feel the joke isn't as strong as the others have been.

Tell me what _you_ think, heh.

Once again, regardless of sounding like a broken record: those reviews, you guys, thanks. Very. Much. Thanks.

Oh, and FYI (to those of you who pointed it out to me) yes, I do in fact know that is was Ron who asked to sit with Harry. I have, in fact, read the books. Several times. OoO_**ubernerd**_OoO However, in order to make the joke work as I had it planned in the chaos that is my mind, I had to switch their roles. Let's call it, ah, _**artistic license**_, shall we? I don't remember ever saying I was going to stick exactly as is said in the novels, if and when I draw inspiration from them.

But, err, thanks anyway for the tip. I am always open to criticism, whether I have an excuse of not. ;)


	7. AN

Sorry in advance to all of you who clicked here thinking this was a new update. I'm afraid this little collection of snippy one-shots are on temporary hiatus...my old laptop crashed back in November, the motherboard went completely belly side-up, taking with it all of the computer's memory. That means all my saved material went, well, who the hell knows where. I'm still in the process of attempting to transfer my old documents to my new laptop, through this machine that does as such...don't ask, as I have no idea at all how it does this and am merely following along with what my boyfriend suggests. Anyway, I'm still pretty pissed off, as I had a bunch of new updates saved on that old hunk of junk, and part of me is loath to type it all up again (is it just me, or the second time around does everything come out different?) I'm sorry this note was so long in the making, but I've been busy, namely with a new job (have to pay for the new comp somehow) and picking up school work that I lost in the crash. So...that all said, I am not abandoning this project at all...I will continue to type up that which I lost and post them as they finish...it won't be anytime too soon, as I am still very busy, but hopefully within the next couple of months or so.

Thanks again for all the reviews, and just for reading even if you didn't drop a comment. Sorry again for this wait. I hate it just as much as you.

Cheers, EnterWittyNameHere.


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